Welcome or welcome back! Series two, episode one of A Writer’s Life! If you’d like to hear me read this, then click here: (Music by FASSounds and Music_For_Videos from Pixabay.)
3 minute read
How do you know when? When to throw in the towel, give it a break, give up or just simply say no? No pain no gain, they say. Anything worth having is worth fighting for. What doesn’t destroy you makes you stronger. All of these sayings elevate the state of hustle, bustle, challenge, fight and let’s face it; hard work.
Does it always have to be difficult? No. Sometimes what you want does come easily and unexpectedly. An opportunity out of the blue, a miraculous kindness or something exactly the way you want it paved with the most glorious, shiny, smooth and easily accessible gold — whatever gold means to you.
The messages I received as a child, (received is a really gentle verb as it indicates my hands were open and welcoming when in actual fact, there was no choice) were very much to do with the fact that not only did I have to work hard, but being Black, I had to work way harder than anyone else. I had to be up there with the best. Cue, unrealistic expectations I placed on myself that would be riding my back for a very long time.
This set my scales out of whack and made it difficult for me to find the right balance. I worked hard in everything under the impression that my worth was somehow tied to how many hours I put in, what my grades were and how much I did for other people. When would enough be enough? Never. Once you’re married to that mindset, no fancy lawyer can secure a divorce from it. It’s down to you. You have to extricate yourself. Be the hero in your own story as they say.
My life has a way of telling me when I have overdone it by smiting me down and forcing me to stay still. At time of writing, last week I had to call the ambulance service because I was having an asthma attack. It was scary stuff. I’d been struggling a little with my breathing as the sharp changes in temperature trigger my asthma. I ignored the signs though and instead of going into hibernation, I was carrying on as if I was at full strength Duracell bunny power. The ego was fully in control and my intuition was giving me side eye. Talk about learning the hard way!
I have learned though. I’ve let go of those expectations I didn’t even realise I had. I know when to stop, when enough is enough and to say no. My ongoing challenge is deciding to stop, taking that action and sticking with the decision. Sometimes I get it right and sometimes I don’t. The most important lesson I have learnt through this spiralling process is to kick judgement out of the arena. With the most impressive spinning, jumping, seven combination martial arts kick you can imagine.
The external world judges us with a set of criteria so convoluted and impossible to meet, it makes no sense judging ourselves as well. Eyes are on you all the time. Turn your own sight within and do what you need to find that acceptance of self. It may come and go but try to make it welcome and it will stay. Acceptance is so underrated but it is a mindset that is so nurturing, protective and is your absolute number one ally. You may throw in the towel, you may keep going to the bitter end. Learn the hard way or don’t learn at all. Whatever, take it as it is.
The takeaway: Do we always have to let our ego run the show? Take a moment to consider who is in charge and if need be, take the reins and choose your own direction.
Next time: Some news about what I’ve been up to - author interviews, new book and new opportunities.
Listen to the poem here:
The voices are so loud today a cacophony of sound clashing screeching disharmony whirling in my head deafening me blocking out all the good things I worked so hard to gain the voices are screaming to me the lies they scream at me you’re not enough, they’re better, who do you think you are, you’re no good, you’re too fat, you’re too thin, you’re too ugly, you’re too stupid, you’re not intelligent enough, you’re not beautiful enough, you can’t do that, you can’t do that! the voices are screaming today so I pick up my remote and I press mute I pick up my remote and I press mute I pick up my remote and I press mute because I am in control I have the remote I can choose I have the remote I can choose whether to visit the past stay in the present plan in the future I have the remote and I can choose I can pause and sit with the picture enjoy the present without fast forwarding to the future and going on and on and on and worrying about what may be or rewinding back to the past and re-visiting and re-visiting and remembering and remembering and regretting and worrying about what I could’ve done should’ve done must’ve done but didn’t I have the remote and I can stay with the present I can enjoy the present I can mute the voices I can increase the volume and hear the truth that is being spoken to me I have the remote I have the control I have the choice. ©2022 Sarah Elliott Taken from my book Warrior Wisdom Sun: poems on battle, lessons and liberation
Oh and forgot to comment on the poem - ooph those voices. Beautiful and really did it for me today. Thanks!
Wow. I’m sorry to hear about that recent incident, Sarah.
I can so relate to this. Working on letting go of ego and expectations is tough. Especially coming from certain backgrounds.
Much love and take care of you.