I Am So Sorry

My perfectionism made me not do it!

Welcome or welcome back! Series three, episode one of A Writer’s Life! If you’d like to hear me read this, then click here: (Music by FASSounds and Music_For_Videos from Pixabay.)

4 minute read

I am Sarah and I am a perfectionist. There it is. I said it, it's out there. I didn’t think that I was a perfectionist. This was my image of a perfectionist:

1.   Someone who gets everything right all the time (errors be gone, you are not welcome here)

2.   Someone who lives in a house that could pass for a showroom

3.   Someone who picks at every minute detail

4.   Someone who is the best at all they do (all the time)

5.   Someone who does not rest until everything is ‘just so’

And there it is, that last point. That is the one I identify with. I may not have my books arranged in alphabetical order, my wardrobe sorted by season or colour, or the contents of my cupboards perfectly spaced out. However, I will push past the boundaries of my energy and resources so I can achieve that desired result. Staying up until the early hours to complete a report that doesn’t need to be in for another week or so; spending hours editing a piece that was fine after the second or third edit; beating myself up over the tiny error in speech I made way after the event, and constantly assessing.

My personal view of perfectionism? Two main villains constantly stir things up, provide misdirection and throw so many spanners in the works, that the price of metal increases.

Comparison

“There can be only one”

Photo by Sandra Martins on Unsplash

Thanks, Highlander. Too many people are striving to be that one whether they are self-motivated or being pressured, pushed and persuaded by external forces. We look at another, see what they are doing and wonder not only if we can do it too, but whether we can do it better. Here comes the not-so-nurturing self-talk: why haven’t I got/done that? Should I be doing that or have that? Is there something wrong with me? Maybe if I try harder? They have that and they look successful and happy. Maybe if I have that, it will be the same for me?

It might start with sibling rivalry or envying classmates in school. It could be the person who does the same thing as you or wants the same thing you do. Comparison will raise its head and if not cut down will grow out of control like dandelions on ecstasy.

Fear

Photo by Melanie Wasser on Unsplash

The great and mighty what if? What if they judge me? What if they don’t like it? What if I get it wrong? I could go on, but I think you get the idea. Our perfectionism is a way of attempting to control outcomes. Planning to the nth degree so we know what will happen, and what the end product will be. And then there will be no ‘what if’. Banished. (Breathes a sigh of relief.)

Consider the following to see where you fall on the perfectionist spectrum:

• The lengths you go to achieve your desired results

• The unreasonably high expectations you set yourselves (likely influenced by another’s expectations)

• The stories you tell yourselves to motivate you

• How you react when things aren’t going your way

• The actions you take when you do not get that desired result

It can be draining being a perfectionist, living up to the image we create for ourselves regardless of the consequences. We can’t cease until it’s perfect, polished and precise. Even when the voice in our head tells us it’s time to stop, like a possessed being we carry on. We fear the all-powerful judgemental entity whose prying eyes prepare to peel away our armour, our flesh, leaving us exposed, vulnerable and imperfect (but could that be where our power lies?).

This perfectionist armour protects and hides us. What is it that we don’t want them to see? Why is it that we must keep ourselves safe? Retaining control through our perfectionism. Perhaps if we spend some time pondering these questions, we can start to acquire a greater understanding of ourselves.

Then we can accept without judgment or blame. Then we can detach from the course of action the perfectionism is telling us to go in and return to our wise inner knowing. Our unfettered truth. Where the scales fall from our eyes, the clouds clear and we see through the illusion.

One step at a time.

So, readers, I apologise for not getting a newsletter out to you in September. I took a break in August but had planned to return to you last month. But it got busy. Really busy. Life happened and I had to pause, pivot and regroup. I chose to lay down my perfectionist arms and just be realistic. I’m glad I did otherwise this revelation and this specific newsletter would not have happened.

It's all part of a writer’s life. It’s all part of life. We learn (or not), and we change. The one certainty in life.

Let me know if you’re a perfectionist or a recovering perfectionist too. If you have tips, send them this way! I’ll leave you with this.

“I think perfectionism is just fear in fancy shoes and a mink coat, pretending to be elegant when actually it's just terrified. Because underneath that shiny veneer, perfectionism is nothing more that a deep existential angst that says, again and again, 'I am not good enough and I will never be good enough.”

― Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear

---

Here is what I’ve been up to more recently. I was invited to chat with a couple of awesome beings on their podcasts:

Molly Ovenden: Closer, the podcast

Daizi Rae: Talk Poetry to Me

And I have been flexing my fingers writing:

I Will Inspire You To Write Stories That Will Bring You Riches (a drabble featured in Trembling With Fear on the Horror Tree website)

Can This Mere Mortal Resist? (guest post on the British Fantasy Society website)

Avoid Being Turned into a Toad: what you need to know when you’re writing the witch (article on Horror Tree website)

And the two books are still available -

Warrior Wisdom Sun

United Under One Sun

---

See you in November when I will have a written story to share (because what I create is obviously part of my writer’s life, and I wrote this one on a bus!). Thanks for reading.

If it’s your first time here, here’s a quick welcome video to view at your leisure: watch me

More from me here