Time to Wave the White Flag

Resistance is futile

4 minute read

Heyyyyy! So I thought I would do something a little different this month. It’s still relevant to the writing life, it’s actually very relevant in fact. It’s coming up to the end of the school term so from next week I’ll have a few weeks off my 9 - 5 job. I’ll still be treating my wonderful acupuncture clients but I’ll have a couple of weeks off that too. I am exhausted! It has been quite a year all around. I’m definitely planning some rest but it turns out, I actually have difficulty with that. I was having a coaching session with my incredible creative coach Chelsey Pippin Mizzi and Chelsey asked what rest would look like to me. I promptly responded with a to-do list! Chelsey reflected that back to me (coaches are great like that) and it gave me food for thought…

A few days prior, a friend of mine gave me a couple of journal prompts so I’m going to journal those right here, live to share with you. No drafting or major edits (apart from spelling and punctuation). Welcome to my inner world readers…

Photo by Gift Habeshaw on Unsplash

What is surrender to you?

What? Give up? Let go? Wave the white flag? It feels like it’s not a good thing. In fact, a bad thing because it means you have lost and are a quitter and everyone says that’s bad, right? You just have to keep going and going like the Duracell bunny. Don’t stop, regardless of the cost. Tenacity. Stubbornness. Resilience. Fortitude. Strength. Are these not all respected qualities? I guess you can have too much of something. There is always a tipping point for everything.

Or surrender can also mean letting go of that which is no longer good for you. Having the strength and wisdom to open our palms, relax our bodies and simply exhale. This feels like a more ‘acceptable’ version of surrender and also one that may be applauded in some arenas.

So, what does it mean to me? It means battle, a to and fro in my mind. Reasoning backwards and forwards, taking an age to reach a decision. Pros and cons. Reluctance. Fear. Fear of the unknown. Lack of control.

When control and structure have kept you ‘safe’ your whole life, it’s a big ask to surrender, release the plan and just let things be. Flow with what happens.

We grasp on so tightly. Is it easier for someone to prise our hands open, or to suddenly release our fists or do we open them slowly like a lotus flower? I guess it depends on what we are surrendering.

My biggest challenge is letting go of the identity I thought I had. The programmed one, curated by external forces and institutional influences. Surrender that and let my true self float to the surface. Floating seems more akin to surrender than exploding out of the water, don’t you think? Beauty in emergence requires a shift in mindset.

There was a second journal prompt: what it feels like when I don’t surrender.

Photo by NASA on Unsplash

Tight neck and shoulders
from the weight of expectations
restrictions
diversions
panic punctuating every action
a washing machine of worry 
whirling anxious thoughts
around and around
feet throbbing in pain
from pounding that treadmill
of presentation to the world
body constricted
bones whispering their last messages before they crack
under the pressure 
of holding on
grasping, clinging, gripping
an inhale held
and never released

Whew. I love writing. Never moreso than when I am writing for me. Not for likes or followers or conversions or sales. For me in my own creativity. Unwinding the thoughts in my head. Letting myself breathe and exhale.

This is an extra newsletter for the month of July so there won’t be a newsletter in August. Holiday time. Time to surrender, rest, reflect, recalibrate, and renew. I’m glad I shared this with you - just wrote it raw and uncensored. There’s probably more to come out but that will take time, and care.

“They don’t understand, they don’t listen and it’s so frustrating. You remain unheard, unseen and misunderstood. Your words remain unspoken. Those words that percolate in your brain, bubbling away but with no satisfying release. Just entrapped hot air. How can they understand, show empathy, act as allies and be reminded of the connection we all have if you hoard your words? You keep your literary expression of self locked away in notebooks, on apps, trapped behind  screens.”

https://www.writingforlight.com/

I’m so looking forward to September when I’ll get to work with some of you to support you getting your words out. It’s a brave thing to surrender your words to the massives. You’re not alone though.

Let me know if you use the journal prompts above, or drop a word or phrase in the comments that comes to your mind when you think about the word ‘surrender’.

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